Have you ever felt trapped, like your life was stuck on an endless loop, much like the movie Groundhog Day? For most of my adult life, that’s exactly how I felt. I spent almost 13 years in a toxic on-and-off-again relationship that drained my spirit. My family ties were constantly breaking and mending, and my mental health felt like it was crumbling under the weight of it all. Add fibromyalgia to the mix, and life seemed to spiral further into chaos.
As I recently celebrated my 35th birthday, I felt both blessed and thankful to have made it this far. The road hasn’t been easy, but looking back, I see how facing my struggles head-on—no matter how daunting—has been the key to my transformation.
Breaking Free from the Chains of Toxicity
During that toxic 13-year cycle, I was consumed by suicidal thoughts. The depressive voices in my mind convinced me that my relationship was the only thing keeping me alive. I believed that if I lost my ex, life itself wouldn’t be worth living. Those voices pushed me to the brink several times, and some of my attempts were nearly fatal.
But on one of my darkest nights, the Goddess appeared to me. That divine intervention became the catalyst for change. For years, I thought I was alone in feeling stuck, but how many of us stay in toxic relationships because we fear loneliness more than we fear the damage those relationships cause? Toxicity not only broke my mental health further but also shattered any sense of self-worth I had left.
The Struggles That Shaped Me
My mental health struggles didn’t just affect my romantic relationships—they bled into my friendships and family ties as well. Impulsivity, the constant battle with voices, unrelenting pain, and depression made it nearly impossible to show up as my authentic self. Instead, I wore masks, trying to become the “perfect” person everyone wanted me to be.
This people-pleasing left me confused about my identity and disconnected from my values. I didn’t know who I was or what I stood for. It wasn’t until I started managing my fibromyalgia—another force that had long controlled my life—that I began to rediscover pieces of myself.
Fibromyalgia’s Grip on My Life
Living with fibromyalgia often felt like hitting the pause button on my dreams. The chronic pain made me avoid activities I loved because I knew I’d be out of commission for days afterward. It robbed me of joy and added to my indecisiveness, as I constantly prioritized others’ happiness over my own.
While in Texas, I began to manage my mental health and fibromyalgia to the point where I was able to work off disability for seven months. It wasn’t perfect—far from it. Contracting COVID derailed my mental health medications and brought me to a breaking point. But even in those moments, I knew that change was necessary for survival.
The Path to Transformation
Therapy became my lifeline. Through it, I forgave my ex and began healing the fractured relationship with my parents. Spending time alone allowed me to reconnect with myself in ways I hadn’t experienced in years. I realized it was okay to listen to my own needs and silence the noise of others’ expectations.
Taking care of my mental health became the foundation for everything else. Once I prioritized it, I was able to focus on managing my diabetes, fibromyalgia, finances, smoking, and now, weight loss. Each step, no matter how small, has brought me closer to a version of myself I’m proud of.
Lessons I’ve Learned
The journey isn’t linear, and it’s rarely easy. But if I’ve learned anything, it’s this:
Change is worth it. It’s scary, yes, but it’s also a sign of growth and open-mindedness.
Small steps matter. Progress, no matter how tiny, is still progress.
Your values are your compass. Honoring them helps you stay true to yourself.
I’m now exploring work opportunities that will allow me to manage my health while still pursuing my goals. It’s a balancing act, but I’m proof that it’s never too late to make meaningful changes in your life.
Your Turn
What’s holding you back from making the changes you know you need? Is it fear, self-doubt, or something else entirely? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below. Let’s start a conversation about how small steps can lead to big transformations.
And remember—progress is progress, no matter how small the step.