This is a topic I haven't talked about, but have mentioned in my "About Me" section. While I've also talked about mental health it isn't a subject I have elaborated on. Such as when it all started, how long I've dealt with it, but have talked about my recent experience with it. Not to go into much detail of when it all started. I will mention here that the depression has been a rollercoaster ride since I was 12 or 13 years old.
This is also around the time my image issues had began as well. People with depression have different unhealthy ways of coping. When I was younger it was finding comfort in food and being angry all the time. With finding comfort in food also came with weight gain. Within what seems like a short amount of time I started to weigh over 300lbs. Before I knew it my weight would fluctuate between 350-400lbs.
My parents took me to my doctor's appointments growing up and tried to get me help for not only the weight but also the depression. I wouldn't be honest with them and so we focused on my weight. We joined the YMCA and would go early in the morning. I bulked and threw a fit about it. We tried smaller portions, cutting out sugar, cutting out white rice and trying to eat more healthy. I bulked and threw a fit through it all. We even tried cutting down on salt and I threw an even bigger fit.
All through this and being a bigger guy I also dealt with bullies when going to church. I'd get called names and teased and even though my parents knew about the bullying, sadly, the bullying didn't stop. The results of having to change my life style and being teased didn't do anything for the depression or the weight. It seemed to make matters worse.
It also didn't help that some family made ugly comments about my weight when going swimming. Being told to "put a shirt on, cause no one wants to see your fat rolls". Not only was this hurtful it didn't help my self esteem and I wanted to eat my feelings.
For years I've struggled with accepting my image, my value, my self worth, and loving myself. However, over the years I've gotten better about it. I have days I look in the mirror and am disgusted by what I see. Then there are days I accept what I see. There is no magic solution for weight loss. I've counted calories, done smaller portions control, limit my sugar, and while I've done them all at the same time my weight doesn't change much. But I'm working harder to ignore the negative that I've heard all my life and find value in myself and love myself. This will be a long journey because it's rewiring my brain. But it's a journey that I hope to keep you all updated on.