“Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re going to get.” –Forrest Gump. Growing up I never really understood the quote until now. Growing up when buying a box of chocolates they told you what you were getting but I guess the time period of Forrest Gump that wasn't always the case.
Growing up everyone asked "what do you want to be when you grow up?", however no one ever asks you how you imagine your adult life to be. While this question was never asked I always imagined I'd be happily married and settled down by the age of 30. Have a successful career and have more money than I do now. Sadly, like a box of chocolates that wasn't how my life went.
Just some highlights of how my life has been so far. The guy I met and thought I'd marry at 17 left me for my best friend. Due to the devistation of the break up and genetics the battle of depression got worse. While I was quite about the struggle with voices growing up it never went away or got easier. It got to the point where my mental health made it difficult to work. So, there went my love life and career along with my optimistic outlook on life.
Up until the last few years I spent my life on hold and spent almost 13 years on and off with the guy that broke my heart at 17. My mental health has been a roller-coaster ride I'd do well with medications for the depression and mood swings and anxiety. However, not until 2018 or 2019 did I come to terms or admit that I have voices. Since then, the medications would help some but it wasn't the right cocktail because I still struggled with suicidal ideations and more attempts were made.
After finally realizing that things weren't going to change with the guy that broke my heart at 17 we broke up for good. I left the state of Missouri and went to Texas to live with some friends. While there I fell in love with a guy that became my best friend. Was doing really well with medications and was able to go back to work. Sadly, it wasn't a happily ever after as the voices got loud when my heart broke realizing my best friend wouldn't and didn't have the same feelings as I did. It got worse when I came down with covid and my medications weren't being effective due to the medication for covid interfered.
Once again my career and love life was over. I lost my car, I had a plan to end the roller-coaster but didn't know when I would do it. While they say "life is what you make of it" and "you control your destiny" and while I believe that is somewhat true it isn't all facts. Looking back and recalling the quote from Forrest Gump I truly believe "life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get". After being off my medications for 8 months I went back and asked for a new doctor as the previous one didn't listen to me or help me get the right cocktail.
After being on my new cocktail, contemplating life, losing my best friend, and being isolated for months I felt the need for change. I spent almost four months trying to decide if Texas was still a place for me or to move back to Missouri and be with family. At the beginning of December my grandma passed away and it hurt that I wasn't able to physically be there to say goodbye. I do have the comfort of knowing that she heard my goodbye over the phone. While at the same time my grandpa's health was failing and the fear of possibly losing him too the decision was made. I made the arrangements to move back to Missouri and back in with my parents.
So, even though you have dreams and ideas of what your life may look like and your family having similar or different dreams about how your life should be. One thing to remember that while life is kinda what you make it, life is really like a box of chocolates, cause you never know what you will get. Your life becomes a mess of nurture, nature, and your own choices. Meaning the way you were raised, genetics, and what you choose to do with your life dictates how your life will be. Until next time live, love, and laugh my carebears.