It’s been many moons since my last post—and trust me, there's a reason.
Back around the holidays, my mental and emotional health started slipping. I mentioned before that I was in a weird headspace, but what I didn’t realize was just how much the shift in seasons and meds would impact me. We entered the SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) months right as I changed my fibro medication.
At first, I thought the new meds were fine. They helped with pain, and that felt like a win. But what I didn’t consider was that they were also antidepressants—and the dosage I was on didn’t match the higher dose I’d been taking with the previous medication. My psychiatrist had mentioned the dose might need to be increased, but none of us anticipated how deeply it would affect my emotional stability.
Then came more follow-up appointments. During my visits, we discovered my testosterone levels were low. I was referred to a urologist, and we began testosterone therapy, plus a blocker to prevent the free testosterone from converting into estrogen and throwing my system off-balance.
It’s been about a month since the increase, and I do feel a difference. While I know I’m not 100% there yet, I honestly feel like I’m in a better space. My days feel brighter—even with the lingering fatigue—and my nights, while a bit restless, no longer feel like emotional quicksand.
There’s a strange feeling I’ve been carrying, though: wanting to do everything and yet not knowing where to start. Like my body’s ready, my mind is eager, but the direction is fuzzy. That mental tug-of-war has been its own journey.
Also—full transparency—I made it to 90 days smoke-free... and then relapsed.
One pack turned into two more over the course of a few weeks, and then I smoked daily again for about two weeks. But I’m proud to say I’ve now been cigarette-free for a full month, and this time I’m more committed than ever.
On the health front, I started taking CoQ10 after learning that statins can deplete it, which may explain some of the fatigue. I’m planning to bring it up with my primary care doc. I also requested tests for B and D vitamin deficiencies, since those can seriously impact both energy and mood.
Finding a solid medical team has been... a nightmare. But I recently switched to a new primary care doctor and psychiatrist—both in the same network—so now there’s better communication, shared records, and hopefully, a clearer path forward.
My PCP also changed my diabetes meds—from Trulicity to Mounjaro—to help support weight loss, and I’ve already dropped 8 pounds in six weeks. Didn’t really notice a change in appetite until week three, but it kicked in. I’m holding off on increasing the dose until I plateau.
Spiritually, I fell out of rhythm. I stopped meditating. I wasn’t doing my mantras. That daily connection I had—gone. But today, I found it again. I meditated for almost 10 minutes and started using mantras again. The shift is noticeable. It’s an amazing world when you start to feel better again.
I’m also starting therapy soon. It’s part of the mental health medication protocol through my new network, and honestly, I’m looking forward to it. I’ll be discussing with my psychiatrist whether my fibro specialist should adjust my medication further.
And in between all of this? I’ve been binge-watching shows (no, not Drag Race—I'm gay, but not that gay 😄), and staying engaged by signing and sharing petitions. With everything happening politically, staying informed and active is vital, but also emotionally heavy.
So here I am, back. Clearer. Grounded. Hopeful. I plan to write more, now that I’ve reconnected with myself—physically, mentally, and spiritually.
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